Senile Dementia

Some comments on my last post lead me to write a little amount this devastating disease.

Thank goodness my husband is age related dementia, which happens to a large proportion of the population in their late 80’s.  Because of this I am a 24/7 caregiver to him.  I have to do his medications for him, often remind him to take a shower, and answer the same question several times a day.

In September, and November when we went down to one of our timeshares, that we exchange for the same place in Treasure Island every year, hubby became so disorientated that we had to make the decision to deed it back.  This is finally going through with us paying all the legal fees, and any extra ones that they included.

Every day something could trigger off a reaction, so I have learned to only fight the battles that are life threatening, or extremely important.  It was suggested that I talk with him, and explain things.  This just makes him mad, and I am told that I am not his mother, or he is not my child.

I don’t speak out about this, because it is so personal, but I was quite upset with some comments about what I should have done.

I have kept him alive for so many years with his 5 chronic illnesses, and his own daughter said he would have died many times if it wasn’t for me, and the way I take care of him.

Sorry if I have gone on a bit, but being a caregiver is so stressful, that at times I feel as if I just want to get away from the situation.  Of course I will never do it, and I love him so much.

I was an administrator for an A.L.F. for several years, and a caregiver for another 10.

Photo: https://pixabay.com/photos/dementia-alzheimer-s-age-puzzle-3662192/

 

43 comments

  1. Bless you and giant HUGS for all you do for him and any other care you have given in the past. I don’t know if I could do what you do and may have to face this as we age but I watch my husband care for his 90 year old mother who suffers from the same related dementia and it’s so bad that we recently put her in a Senior Care home. We tried caring for her at our house and didn’t even make it a whole month. You see, we know nothing about dementia, learning she has sundowners among other issues. We couldn’t care for her for many reasons, and so we are having to help pay for her to be in the home. She is being taken care of and it’s an EXCELLENT home. My heart goes out to you as this is soooo difficult and sometimes I’m sure you need a break, but you strive on and I know you love him so. Sorry for the long post, I just want you to know that you are one of the strongest woman I know!! ❤️🥰😃❤️

    Liked by 3 people

  2. It does take a lot of strength in these situations. Maybe you an get someone in for an hour or so to just go get a facial or something personal you prefer as a treat. My neighbors husband had this and it was scary at times. I was worried for her. He was in perfect physical shape except for dementia, so easier in some ways, I’m sure. Hugs to you, Suzie.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s so hard. Thank goodness you can have a little time in the gym and with a friend here and there. I am sure it’s not enough. My dad also suffered from dementia and there was little i could do after my mom was gone because i had to work full-time. Eventually, I was able to put him in a care situation where he couldn’t wander off.

    My ex, who I respected at the time, kept telling me I should always “correct” Dad when he said screwy things. But this became so frustrating for both of us I quit doing it and instead just humored him. That worked much better. You have to do what you think is right ~ no one knows your hubby better than you do! 💖💖💖

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Respect. I am in a similar situation with my mother but living hundreds of miles away. If this is our life journey then that is what it is. Maybe we need to experience helplessness and see how we cope. There is no great wisdom I can offer to you, dear Susie. Except to say I empathise. And also that you seem to be doing a great job here.

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  5. You are doing an AWESOME job with your husband. Each day is different and you have to be prepared to handle what best is appropriate for his safety and yours as well as the best out come. Keep up the great care.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. The hardest part is understanding that trying to correct them or bring them into logical thinking is the worst thing you can do. I have found that agreeing is the best thing I can do unless it is a medical issue or something critical. I am not as far as you yet but on the way. God bless you for taking such care.

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  7. You do indeed have a tough task Susie. Hang in there. I do not think there is a right way to handle this disease. It is a learning experience all the way through. Best wishes. Allan

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  8. Like you said, you have to choose your battles…and that means among thoughtless comments thrown about from those who seem to think they ‘know better’ than you who’s the one in the midst of the caregiving. I stand with you, Susie…

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  9. You walk a tough road. It takes strength and courage to do what you do. Ignore the ones who assume they know better when they most likely haven’t walked the same path. Kudos to you and your husband. Your overall strength is an inspiration.

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  10. I was the caregiver for my late father and currently for my mother. I can empathize with the full range of emotions you are going through. Sending positive thoughts your way. I know you take care of yourself well just by reading your blog posts, but also be sure to take time for yourself when you can. And as the kids say these day, don’t let the haters get you down.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. God bless you. It’s a job we do out of love and it’s stressful even at the best of times. There are not enough hours in the day but we make every minute count.

    My son has Downs Syndrome and he is a lively 10-year-old. He keeps me on my toes too.

    I live my life methodically and I set 15-20 minute breaks during the day, around the same times every day and I call them ‘Mummy coffee breaks’. My son has renamed them, he is starting to talk jibberish. Now my son looks forward to the ‘Moo Moo Breaks’ (Which means warm milk breaks) and we enjoy a cuppa together. Funny and true.

    Do what feels good in your heart, no matter how quirky, the rewards are priceless.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. As a retired medical engineer I encountered many care providers. My respect for them is still there, it isn’t easy particularly with your mate. Anyone who doesn’t understand such a difficult job simply hasn’t done or gone through it.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Being a caregiver for a loved one is so very hard. You are a wonderful person and doing everything right. Keep staying in the present moment taking each day as it comes to you without expectations, fears, or regrets.

    Liked by 1 person

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