susiesopinions

I want my husband safe.

I previously wrote a post on keeping my husband safe, and our new daily routine. I don’t take it 1 day at a time, an hour at a time, but minute by minute.

Years ago my best friend and I used to go out at 9 a.m. drive down to Treasure Island beach, walk the water’s edge for an hour, stop off for a slice of pizza, salad and a soft drink, and then drive home. We would get back around 2.30-3.00.

Then because of her circumstances we would got out late morning, and either go to Tarpon Springs to walk, or Citrus Park mall. This would be a 3 hour outing.

Then with my hubby, and her Veteran’s Foster Home, we changed it to 1.30 to 3 or 3.30.

Today’s forecast was for rain, wind, and possible tornadoes late afternoon/evening, so we only walked locally for an hour. I had given hubby his lunch, a drink, and topped it up. I asked him if he needed anything before I left. He said that he was settled, and I had the channel on for his favorite team Arsenal playing in the UEFA Europa League. It was the lead up to the match.

We walked around the park 3 times, which took less than an hour, and I came straight home, only to find hubby on the carpeted floor of the living room. He had his legs twisted underneath him, and couldn’t move at all. I went to dial 911, but he pleaded with me to take my time, and help him up. It took around 25 minutes of inching him toward a chair, and lifting with the gain belt. I finally got him on his knees but angled as if he was going down. I stayed that side of him, and with breaks in between finally got him in the armchair.

The hands and arms got it all.

I have talked to him, and told him that if I let the doctor know she will do something about it. I told him that as he is a dead weight I am lifting 180 lbs. I certainly didn’t want to achieve that weight, being a women. I told him that we will pay to have someone come and sit with him, and if he doesn’t want that, then it will be an assisted living facility, or a nursing home. He hasn’t spoken to me about it.

I just had to share this, because it does bring a little relief to me, even though none of you can do anything for me.

25 comments

  1. Susie, I don’t think he can be left alone. He was settled but he got up. He is a man and thinks he can do anything. You know how they think. Hang in there and I hope you can get some help but you are going t hurt yourself if you keep trying to pick him up.🙏🙏 I’m praying for you both.💕💕

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dear Susie, my heart breaks for you! I’ve been through this with my father, may he rest in peace. You are NOT supposed to pick him up, no matter what he says! You are not qualified to assess internal injuries resulting froma fall, if any occur, G-d forbid. Even those bruises and scratches are as harmless as they seem.Unless you are willing and able to be with your husband 24/7, you need to get him help, no matter what he says, and you have to be ready to overcome his resistance.
    I wish you strength and I am praying for you!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Men are stubborn critters and when they are not well, they still think they can do all the things they used to. It can not be easy for you Susie, but you have to do what is best for you and hubby. Stay well and get the assistance you require. Allan

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It’s awful for you. I was only a carer for less than a year for my late husband and we narrowly avoided calling an ambulance a few times. Even when I had my daughter or son staying near the end we nearly got stuck trying to move him, but the natural progression of terminal cancer is to end up staying in the hospital bed. You must not lose your outings.

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  5. Susie–I so wish I could help. He can’t be left alone. That is so hard for a man to say, but you are seeing what happens. What if something happened to you as you tried to assist him? I think the doctor needs to know….

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  6. Ugh. This is so hard, my mum went through similar things with my Dad, she’d have him settled so she could pop off to the shop for an hour but he’d sometimes get up for whatever reason, once she found him in the garden in a similar state to your hubby. He’d also get up at night and not wake her and fall. I think they called the ambulance around 5 times in one month – the paramedics were amazing, they had special equipment to get him up nice and easily and gently and as long as he was physically okay he didn’t have to go to the hospital each time. It’s hard but it’s okay set that boundary for your own sake, he’ll just have to accept that you’ll need breaks or you’ll go mad, and you can’t risk hurting yourself (or even him) by trying to lift him.
    Paramedics deal with this stuff all the time, they’ll treat him with kindness and respect 💜 ((Hugs))

    Liked by 1 person

  7. This is very worrying. We cannot be there to help you but please know we are sending you the strongest vibes we can. Hold your ground and get help for him. It does not matter if he doesn’t like it. Those photos are dreadful. He needs to know that you CANNOT keep going on like this!! Professionals will know how to handle him best and you can get a break!

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  8. What we can do is say you are in the right track. If he won’t or can’t abide by safe rules he’ll need constant watching which I realize will be a sad thing for both of you💞

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  10. I think it’s getting to the stage where he can’t be left unattended. You need assistance so that you can still get out and about.

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  11. It’s so hard, I know. I went through it with my Dad. It’s such hard decisions to make. Are there any caregiver support groups in your area? They might be able to help out with knowledge of people who will come to stay with him and give you a break. Medicare even covers it because it’s for your health as well. Many prayers.

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  13. Susie, as you know, until my husband passed away I was in the same boat. One night in January he fell in the middle of the night, broke a table, and it took me forever to get him up in the chair. He also refused to have anyone in to help. They so want to do ti themselves and don’t want to admit they can’t. If it reaches the point where it it too much you just have to do what you think best…NO ARGUMENTS! We moved to Austin near my daughter even though he didn’t think we needed to. I insisted. Thank God I did.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Oh my, he really thought he could achieve whatever he was aiming to do. Safety, he can’t be left alone. Glad you made the decision to seek assistance so you can continue to be strong mentally and physically for the both of you. Best of luck.

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  17. I’m sorry to hear that. I know you are strong in more ways than one but just lifting a person that can’t pick themself up could strain your back. Does he use a walker? If you decide to move is there a place that you could go to be there living in an assisted apt with him? Those places always have people around to help.

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  18. Oh, Susie, this breaks my heart. The first thought I had was perhaps you could get a personal alarm. Do you remember the commercial “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up”

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  19. At least if he fell, he could hit the alarm and get someone there right away. And if you came home to him on the floor, it would be easy and quick for you to call for help. You need some help from someone so that you can take an occasional sanity break. Maybe a daily caregiver or even just a couple of days a week. My prayers are with you.

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