The last 2 days were unbearable, and I had to pull out of it.

So I read several articles. I have had stress, anxiety, and panic attacks all my life, but never the symptoms I have had the last 2 days. My body didn’t want to do anything, and for a gym rat like me, that didn’t go down well. Then when I went to bed I would sleep for a couple of hours. That was it.

I looked up fatigue, and unable to sleep, and found several articles on the subject. Here is one of them from

Chronic Stress Your body experiences physiological damage from chronic stress and the associated stress-hormone (cortisol). Your body generally tries to repair damage when you’re asleep, so your drowsiness may amount to a signal from your body telling you to get more sleep so that you can recover from and reduce the physiological impact of stress.’

I made myself go down to the water’s edge, and take in deep breathes from now nose, and exhale through my mouth. I then started praying to the Lord, thanking him for all the blessings that he gives me, and asking him to show me what I needed to do.

I walked slowly dragging my feet, continuing my breathing. Then I found that my back was upright, I was walking my normal stride, and taking in the beautiful view of the ocean.

I came up to my apartment, had a long cool shower, wrote a post, and went to bed early. After about an hour I fell asleep, and managed until 2 a.m. I didn’t get up, open my eyes, and finally fell asleep again until 5 a.m. I did go to the bathroom this time, but went back to sleep, and it was 7.45 before I woke up.

I have a positive attitude today, even though it would have been our wedding anniversary. So I know that I am pulling myself out of this pity party. I may not be 100% today, but I am back on the road to recovery. I thought the hardest time was the last few months of Len’s life, his death, and the 4 months after, but wasn’t prepared as to how this week would affect me. I have got through it, and coming out the other side.

Thank you Lord for taking me under your wing, and making me strong again.

Image by Jeff Jacobs from Pixabay



  1. I think that once in a while we are allowed to feel sorry for ourselves. I had a friend who used to say we should take 24 hours and cry, scream, whatever and after that move on. Strangely it does seem to help.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It is understandable that it was a hard day and you were missing Len being there with you. Like Country Bumpkin said, anniversaries and birthdays are always hard, especially the first ones after a loved one dies. Hang in there. You are doing great and it does get better.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. With the birthday and anniversary, and struggling to see with the cataracts, I haven’t had the energy to even scream. Also I don’t want the police to come to the timeshare.


  4. All of those “firsts” are tough, but I found the second year to be bad too because I was prepared the first year and not the second. Grief is a real struggle that many people do not appreciate until it happens to them. Praying for strength for you.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.