Self motivation for me.

I think it is because of all the talk, posts, television etc., that I am now thinking of the holidays without Len. My low times are when I wake up, and he is not there.

I have also cut down my clonazepam by half, which was my regular dose prior to Len needing constant attention, and 2 weeks ago the mirtazapine which I was prescribed 4 months before Len passed. I left a month between cutting them in half.

I had been sleeping great, when going to bed at midnight, with the whole mirtazapine, and now it’s hit or miss as to when I fall asleep.

So I know that doing this is part of the way I am feeling. Once I shower, and put my gym clothes on, I feel so much better.

I can understand now why a woman will stay with a man for companionship. After 43 years of having someone in the house, it is really hard not to turn over in bed, and see someone laying next to you.


  1. Hugs to you. It is hard. Do what you need to to make it through the holidays. Find a way to include him in the festivities if you feel like it. Mom is going to make dad’s favorite dessert, banana pudding. The first Christmas after my husband died, I bought a gift for a man from a list that a local department store had collected….it was my way of remembering and giving in his name. And, remember, it’s okay to be sad. It’s also okay to be happy and enjoy. There’s no right or wrong way to be when you are grieving.

    Liked by 1 person

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