I managed a quick walk on the beach this morning, before driving home. I stayed an extra day, which meant I have had a lot of catching up. I have found it really hard.

Since going down to Treasure Island on Len’s birthday and being on my own all day. Then our anniversary on the Monday, again with no company, I think a little depression was setting in.

Then the holidays, which is going to be hard, plus a couple of fairly new girlfriends making plans with me, only to cancel after I had arrived, or had lunch but didn’t stay for the dancing. It’s the dancing that I love so much.

I think the final thing that really got to me is that I can’t get back to England for my youngest granddaughter’s 18th birthday. For her first 5 years I went in the summer school holidays, when it was the eldest one’s birthday. After that I couldn’t leave Len, and then of course, Covid.

I just broke down yesterday evening, the tears flowed, and sobbing started. It continued today. I needed that short walk on the beach so that it would enable me to drive.

As soon as I got home, I phoned the Hospice Counselor, as she had told me if I ever needed them, they would be here for me. She is coming to my house tomorrow afternoon. I also have an appointment next week with my G.P.