Hospice are such a wonderful organization.

I saw the same counselor that came around the end of July. She is from east Pasco County, as they have been without a counselor for west Pasco most of the year. She is very professional, most important listens, and is caring.

Even though the tears were flowing on, and off for the hour, she kept reassuring me that I am doing better than most people in my situation. I have to expect the bumps in the road to recovery, and the week of Len’s birthday, and our wedding anniversary was the trigger. Since then, I have had good and bad days. Lately more bad days.

She is pleased that I joined a ‘dating app’ just for companionship and have put the word out locally on ‘Neighbor’ about a senior lunch at a restaurant once a month. This is for the 4 towns that almost run into each other. I will see if I get any takers on that one.

I couldn’t believe with the app, that they want $34 a month to show me the so called 12 men that are interested in me. The only time it is free, is if 2 people click the like each other icon. I am not raising my hopes on that one.

The hundreds of couples that Len and I had as friends, just wave, or say ‘Hi’ to me now. It’s as if I am a different person, so new acquaintances have to be made.

I am to phone her early January as she knows how hard Christmas and the New Year will be. Len often slept on the loveseat recliners all evening, but just before midnight I would wake him up, toast the New Year, kiss and cuddle. So, it’s not ‘not going out’, it’s just being alone.

20 comments

  1. I’m relieved you reached out to the Hospice counselor – they really are angels to the dying and those who are left behind. It’s weird how dynamics of friendships often change after the death of one part of a couple in a couple’s friendship. I know you have a circle of friends that are there for you, but it still must be bewildering to experience the unintentional ‘coolness’ of those you mentioned. You stayed strong for Len, now I ask you to stay strong for yourself over the holidays. One of my personal (I made it up decades ago) mantras is this: Laugh hearty, Cry deeply. It’s all part of ‘staying strong’ IMHO.
    Take care!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. When my father died my mother’s friends tried to get her to go out with them but my mother refused and eventually they stopped asking, she was happy having me around all the time but for the next ten years I became her substitute husband especially when she got dementia. You are doing the right thing in going out and looking to make new friends, it is good for you both mentally and physically. Good luck to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. We’re wishing you well. Yes, I agree, in that the hospice team for my mom had zero tolerance for nursing home employees, and their negligence (and lack of enough staff) of proper care and compassion. They also knew that if the staff is aware a hospice member is coming to care for a patient, someone often scurries to stage the scene of adequate living conditions. I fought many small battles with 2 nursing homes, and took a major complaint to the board. They also, because I wouldn’t let up, implemented a new system for water-giving, as I showed mold in my mother’s bedside pitcher. I later proved all their “washed” pitchers in storage were unsanitary. Hospice workers seem to genuinely care about preserving people’s dignity, and they know how such people operate, so far as I’ve seen. I am glad Len had such good care and didn’t have to live that way in a nursing home.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. you seem to be doing very well. I am triggered by the deaths of other people (in relationship to my dad’s death). I am no longer triggered by anniversaries (don’t even remember his exact death date although his birthday is easy – tax day!) But when my friend’s dad died one week ago very suddenly after a fall it really brought on the tears. I had a pretty crappy weekend. Right now I can’t exercise (beginning Monday I get the green light) so I really miss my stress relief.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. “The hundreds of couples that Len and I had as friends, just wave, or say ‘Hi’ to me now. It’s as if I am a different person” <— This right here. People don't know now to deal with death I think. I have sent a few messages to my friend and told him to call when he's ready. I think people like to sugar coat stuff and get uncomfortable when you let out your emotions. Esp. with men. I've been very open with him and told him my experiences of losing a parent. But the one piece of advice I gave him – grief has no timeline and everyone is different.

    Liked by 1 person

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